Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart.
Who looks outside dreams.
Who looks inside awakens.
As a child growing up, I had two loving parents and two siblings. I grew up in a loving and supporting home where I would often hear, "You can do whatever you put your mind to." I can still hear my parents say that, as if it were just yesterday. This opened up a world of possibilities to me as a young child. Unlimited potential!
I also grew up hearing quotes such as, "Children are seen, not heard." and "Do as I say, not as I do." Those words became ingrained within the deepest parts of me. I knew from experience, not following these rules would result in some form of discipline. The fear of the discipline, taught me to obey. I grew up not wanting to be a "problem child" so I made sure I was seen and not heard, I made sure I did as I was told to the best of my ability.
As a teen age girl, there were a lot of restrictions placed on where I could and could not go, what I could and could not do. I so desperately wanted to spread my wings and explore the world. At the age of 18 I became a young mother, married at the age of 19, after graduating business college I moved 2000 miles away from home..I had found my wings. Through the years I struggled to find myself. I was in a new city with a one year old and no sense of who I was as a young woman. As time went by I realized I was running hard in search of happiness, love and fulfillment outside of myself. I began to attract relationships with foundations built on codependency. In the year 2000 I had a medical emergency, A brain aneurysm. I was blessed the doctors were able to find the source of my consistent headaches and emotional outbursts. After my successful brain surgery the healing began. I had one complication from the surgery and that was short term memory loss. With that diagnosis I lost a well paying job, and sunk into a sea of fear and depression. What would my life look like now? Pill after pill, side effects after side effects, doctor appointments after doctor appointments. I had trouble driving to my appointments because I would have trouble remembering where I was going and how to get back to my home. I became consumed by Fear! Fear of getting lost, fear of believing I could not take care of myself, fear that I would NEVER be able to remember anything. I became more and more depressed and more and more dependent. I began to believe what everyone would tell me, you are disabled, you can't do this, you are not able to do that. I fed into all the descriptions used to identify me. I began to identify myself AS those things. I had no idea who I was.
One day I decided to take my power back! Back from the medications, back from beliefs that no longer served me and back from relationships that were draining and not to my highest and greatest good. I was ready to take a step back to explore, "Who am I?". In that moment, I realized I had no idea who I really was or what I truly wanted out of life. I began to excavate the areas of my life where I had disconnected from my True Essence. My journey began. I attended Mystery School which began my path to Self Mastery. I learned how to love myself, forgive myself, act with integrity, radically forgive and ask for forgiveness. There were many teachings and lots of practices shared from many Masters. After Mystery School, I began a daily practice for self healing and began to experience more peace and joy in my life. I continued to clear distortions, old belief systems and societal conformism that no longer resonated with my true Essence.
As I began to retrieve all the fragmented versions of myself I became aware of the total disconnect from my feminine energy, my womb. My ability to create a life of purpose and joy was severely inhibited. I began to realize karmic patterns from the past and ancient past was influencing the choices I was making and not from a conscious level. All the work I was doing was clearing out old wounds, but the energy surrounding the wounds were being stored in my subconscious. I did not know what emotions I had stored there or what traumas or wounding was stored there from karmic, familial and collective influence. I knew I needed assistance to begin the specific work needed to excavate these hidden traumas and wounds. I decided to enroll in the Sacred Feminine Mysteries Priestess Program to excavate and rekindle the dormant memories entrusted to me prior to my incarnation. First I had to relearn how to Love myself. I had forgotten how to move into my heart with all the armoring I had placed around it for protection. I began to excavate the shadows tucked neatly away to hid pain, fear, disappointment, shame and self hatred. I was able to liberate myself from outdated belief systems, and stories that kept me blocked and out of alignment with my Truth.
Doing research and honoring my lineage was the beginning of peeling back the layers of myself to take a look at what was no longer serving me. A lot my distortions came from unconscious contracts I had made with myself based on family dynamics while I was a child. (How I felt about my body, how I formed intimate relationships, how I felt or learned about sex, etc.) Ancient womb healing practices promoted my re-connection with my Sacred Power, The Divine, our Enlightened Ancestors and the Ancient Mothers of my lineage.
I began to use painting as a way to focus my energy and movement as a way to release energy that required movement. My art pieces became a focal point many times for my meditations and as a tool of remembrance. Each symbol and color placed on the canvas or paper, became a silent prayer. I honor the messages that flowed through each artist piece.
These ancient practices allowed me to reclaim my Sacred Womb, to release and transmute lower vibrational energies from past lovers and to transmute sexual abuse and emotional trauma from my womb.
I began to honor and demonstrate reverence for my ancestors. This daily honoring assisted the transmutation of trapped karmic energies passed down from generation to generation..seven generations back and seven generations forward. I began to Trust in the mystery and magic held within my Sacred Womb and my ancestor's Sacred Wombs. This womb healing allowed me to reclaim my power and move into self love and re-write my story with the ending in mind! I began to trust my intuition and open fully to receive Divine guidance. The world opened up for me as I began to Live in Alignment with my Absolute Truth.